Update and Valentine's Day

Have you seen anything so beautiful as this little guy?  So sweet it hurts.  The sensation of watching his babyhood slip away, like beach sand through my fingers.  We are waiting.  We are waiting for USE to call our witnesses.  Tempted to travel, dial and hand over the phone.  But, truly I can't even go there.  Bella's adoption even with the delay was not this painful.  I can't even hear, "like labor, you will forget this."  I have decided to not post about it, though.  Can't.  Not yet.  I am praying without ceasing.  I now He has got this.

I am going to post about Valentine's Day.  I am so excited about what I am going to surprise Jason with.  It has been therapeutic to think about a new way of telling Jason, "I love you."  Whenever we have added a child to the family, we have made every effort to find ways to stay connected when we are exhausted, and pulled in a different direction.  Valentine's Day is falling just as we are about to add another little one.  So, I am surprising Jason with a dozen dates.  The catch,we are on a budget, college and adoption will do that to you.  My inspiration came from something I saw on Pinterest.

12 prepaid dates

Some of the dates I have planned:

World's End

1. Walk in World's End and hot chocolate.  There is something about the snow, the quiet, the deer, at dawn.

2. Brunch at Beehive Boston and skating on Frog pond.

3. Historic tour of the North End (downloaded to iPhone) and Mike's pastries.

4.  An evening at the Museum of Fine Arts (free every Wednesday) and then the cheese platter and wine at the restaurant.

Just to name few.  I have a few more than 12 that I have identified.  Now I have to take a few out.  All of the dates are inexpensive and pretty uncomplicated.  I tried to come up with some that were good in the winter, spring, summer, and fall.  Planning the dates have been so much fun.  The kids are helping.  I almost feel bad that he is missing out on that part.

If you don't like the weather, wait a minute...

In New England there is a saying..."If you don't like the weather, wait a minute."  I think it accurately describes news in adoption.

So here is the latest update.  We have been in a holding pattern.  Our case mirrors another case, right down to the same witnesses.  Before you cry "Foul!" if you were to hear the details...it makes sense.  They were sent to USCIS.  So we were trying to decide if we wait to see what would happen with them or hire the attorney and make sure our submission was as complete as possible.  I believe that we are the first case to hire the attorney proactively.

One of the things we are doing is re-interviewing the witnesses with extremely detailed questions.  But it has been almost 2 years.  One of the witnesses may have moved, and another is not sure that they want to talk.  This morning, is a good example of how it rolls...one email telling us that one of the witnesses does not want to talk to anyone.  The next, saying that they have changed their mind and will talk.  Then a third saying...the case that we mirror has been cleared, with out an RFE.  (An answer to many prayers.)  Good news also for us.

Today, I must be particularly fragile.  I am tired of the ride.  I just want to bring him home.  I am so thankful for Kathy, our case worker, my friends who sit and listen to my complaining about the USE (thank you, Katy), and last but not least, my prayer warriors who are storming heaven with prayers.  Wow, what would I do without them?  So we trudge on, through the muck and mire of international adoption.  I can't wait for the metaphorical rain to stop and the rainbow to appear.  And stuck in my back pocket for those moments that I get pulled into the flood...and can't remember what I am holding fast to...is this scripture: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11  I remind myself that these words are written for Efa, too.

hmm...no, Tom Brady does not ring a bell.

mine.

Okay folks, lets get back to business at hand...football.

And then I get a glimpse of the rainbow.  Pictures of our boy from Becky and CHI and a text from Emily.  Efa is happy outside playing with the big boys.

6 weeks

This post is all about me. I mean that in an obnoxious self-pitying transparent way. The 6 weeks since we have met our little man have been an amusement ride of emotion.  The disappointment of not passing on the day of our court date gave way to the elation of passing two weeks later.  Then we moved to dreaming about when we would be bringing him home.  Braided in is the sadness that Efa would be leaving the only home he has known, the only woman he has known as "mom", and the "family" he has loved and been loved by.  We have our birth certificate and our passport.

The ride has just gotten terrifying.  Watching a friend with a different agency who traveled with us, pass court, be submitted, clear, and leave to bring home... So excited to welcome home E.  (Did I mention she is the same age as Bella and I love her mom?)  Watching my sweet friend Emily, pass court, be submitted, and clear (thank you Lord).  We have not been submitted to embassy.  I trust that our agency is doing everything they can to be submitted and successful at the embassy level.

But this brings me to my pets.  We have two new pets-Discouragement and Impatience.  Actually, I am not sure how new they are.  They are normally caged, but they are sneaky, and often escape and run rampant in the house.  They are quite destructive.  The craziest things can release them.  They feed on the most unexpected things...expectations are like a Red Bull to them.  They go crazy!  I hate admitting it.  But I am truly hoping to vanquish them from the house.  As I am becoming more aware of them and their triggers...I have come to realize that they did not move in just recently.  They think that they have lived here forever.

So, I wait.  I wait to be submitted in this beautiful season where we await the Greatest Gift.  The parallel is not lost on us.  In fact it becomes even more clear why I need Him.  I am so flawed.   My heart aches to bring this little boy home.   I pray for his case to be submitted.  I pray that the USE sees the evidence and allows Efa to come home.  I pray for patience.  I pray for a stronger faith.  I pray for encouragement.  I pray not to feel forgotten.

May the God of hope fill (me) with all joy and peace as (I) trust in Him, so that (I) may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

Introducing....

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15 days until we board a plane

My stomach is tight with the anticipation of meeting our little guy.  Getting a sense of who he is.  I can't wait to see the je ne sais quoi that gets lost in translation.  Embassy is getting to be more of an obstacle than it ever was.  As a child who grew up over seas, a child of a diplomat, I personally think the US government is making huge gaffes in diplomacy.  I think that the time of oversight is at the moment the child enters care.  Not after that country has already determined that the child is adoptable.  Do we challenge the Russian, Chinese, or Korean government after they make that same determination?  Hmm, why not?  But, I shy away from the controversial.  So as each day brings hope and then fear for a few families at that pivotal stage, I thought of this tale that I read a while ago.  It speaks to my nearsightedness.  I think of this story frequently when things play out better or worse than I expected.  For me, this is where, my faith will be tested.  I claim to trust in His perfect timing, now I must live it.  It will only get harder, after meeting our little guy.   I trust though that if this little guys is meant to be ours, he will come home in God's perfect time.    In the meantime, I have a few friends on speed dial, to help me at weak moments and nesting is reaching  a scary level...I made these felted slippers for him Sunday night.  It was so much fun and easy.  I will work out the kinks and then share the how to.

Life is good! Fast, but good!

I always feel that school starts and life goes from 0 to 60 in a blink of an eye.  After the years of being surprised by it (14 to be exact), I have started survival techniques to keep us all from getting bumped and bruised.  This year has gone surprisingly smoothly, especially with one more student in the mix-ME.  The kids actually get a kick out of me being in nursing school.  I have to say I love it!  I love my classes. I love the young people that I have met. I love my professors.  I love the material (yes, I even love my stats and micro-biology class.)  I have talked to all of my professors about leaving for a week in October/November.  They are all great with it.  I have talked to my advisor about taking next term and then the summer off.  Everyone has been great about it.  I love that my nursing school is most concerned about the disenfranchised and the poor, as well as global medicine.  I feel like I am doing what I was made for.  And it is happening in His perfect time.

Bella is loving her preschool day.  We are falling into a sweet new normal.  The other day, she got to sleep late (9:00...can you say growth spurt) and rolled out of bed, I got her cereal in a baggie, an apple, and juice and took her for a long morning walk in the jogger.  She was in heaven.  Talked my ear off.  Loved the she was in her pj's underneath a blanket.  Zach is researching how he can play soccer full time... Eliza is trying to get her driving hours in so she can finally get her license and Andrew is probably busier than he should be.

35 days until we get on a plane to go meet our little guy.  Sometimes I feel like his babyhood is slipping away.  The wait is hard.  The not knowing when he will be home, even harder.  But I do know that this is the easier part of the wait.  After we meet him, hold him, the wait will be so much harder.

67 prayers left

Over the years we have made several paper chains to "count down" to some special event.  This is one our most special paper chains.  We call it our prayer chain.  Each of us had 12 strips of paper and on the back side we wrote a prayer for our little guy.  Bella wrote with me transcribing, anything from "Jesus please keep him stay safe" to "I hope that he wants a big sister like me."  Zach wants divine intervention to help him be a "good soccer player or at least like the game." (Already done! I hear he loves soccer balls.)  For me, the prayers were covering him in comfort when he had a bad dream, or when he makes his future transition, to helping to make me the mother he will need when he gets home, and in twenty years.  As the days fall away, we break he chain and read the prayer aloud before our grace at dinner.  We have 68 left.  Then we will return and make a new prayer chain.  And each of those prayers will bring him closer and closer to being home.  Baby boy, we are waiting patiently.  Knowing that the time before court is serving to prepare us and you for each other!