Faith

What gets you through your rocky terrain?

For Bella its red cowboy boots:)

For me it is definitely my faith.  My faith in His character.  My faith in His love for us.  When we first started this adoption, the fear of the "what ifs and hows" were kept at bay during the day by prayer and busy-ness.  But at night the doubts and fears would sit and wait until the very moment that sleep lightened and they could worm their way in... What if this little one did not adjust as seamlessly as Bella?  What if I don't love this little one as much as I love all my other children?   How are we going to pay for this adoption and college for one now and two in the near future?  (Just to name a few.)

I am not an anxious person.  I don't usually wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.  A few months ago, in the beginning of this process, I did.  Wow, not fun!  I was agitated and anxious about the money that we would have to pay pretty quickly in the process.  An alphabet soup of the large dollar amounts that would be due soon swam around in my head mixed in with words like tuition payments.  I did not know what to do to calm my racing heart.   Pretty quickly, I did turn to prayer.  I prayed that if this was His will,  I was going to need Him to give me some comfort.  I was going to trust Him (something I learned through our first adoption).  I wanted to adopt so much but there were so many reasons why I should be satisfied with the happy healthy family I had.  The prayer took a little longer than that.  His peace did take over that racing heart.  In the process the numbers started to make sense.  I even was brave enough to add them up.  It was a big healthy sum...several thousands of dollars.  Let's call that number n.  Then I remembered that Jason had told me he was receiving an unexpected check...interest on a business loan.  Guess how much the check ended up being for...yes, you got it. N.  Not a penny more.  Some may say coincidence.  Not me.  I have had too many of these this go around!  At some point, I am sorry, but it is what I call God-incidences.  So many with Bella.  That was the first for Teddy Bear, maybe I will post about some of the others, too.   The most amazing thing has been recognizing God's fingerprints much sooner, than I use to.  From-who I am going through the process with, to-how the timing is working out.  What I am learning is His plan is so much bigger and better than I would have dreamed it to be.  God can do much more than anything we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20

Week Sixteen, Belated Bday post, Am I like Jonah?

I will apologize up front... sorry for the long post.  Week sixteen draws to an end.  Andrew celebrated his 17th birthday while we were on our college tour so I am sitting down and celebrating him.

Happy Birthday Rew!

Seventeen things I love about you.

1. Your one dimple.

2. Your love of sports.

3. Your knack for getting along with everyone.

4. Your love of music.

5. Your young soul.

6. Your ability to bring together a community to support your effort to help the kids in the Dominican Republic.

7. Your math mind.

8. You were the easiest baby (thank you, God, because I was so young.)

9. Your boyish sense of humor that makes me smile.

10. Your confidence.

11. Your intensity when you are interested.

12. Your ability to wear old-school shorts to a soccer game, pink pants, or what not to get a laugh out of your friends.

13. Your loyalty.

14. Your love of movies.

15. Your desire to travel. (You are the easiest kid to travel with :)

16. Your love of food even when it is different (Indian, Ethiopian, sushi)

17. Your gentle spirit that makes me look like a good mother when it is just you - a wonderful creation of God's that I can take little credit for.  (Thank you for keeping those little scriptures that I hand you in your wallet.  I love you.)

**  So, this part of the post is more difficult for me.  I am new to talking about my relationship with God.  When we first started the adoption, I was asked by another adoptive mom, "are you a woman of faith?"  My response was immediate.  "Yes."  I have always believed in God, gone to church, and prayed.  I had even opened the bible occasionally, gotten as far as completing the book of Genesis.  I knew nothing about being a woman of faith.  Adopting has been amazing in so many ways.  One of the changes it has brought about has been in my relationship with God.  

I signed up to study the bible.  It has been amazing.  There have been too many times that something we were studying directly spoke to what was happening within the confines of our home.  In CBS two weeks ago we studied the book of Jonah.  Wow, I always knew Jonah was swallowed by a whale.  That was the story, right?  Wrong.  So much more.  One part of the story (because there are so many to learn).  Jonah ran from what the Lord told  him to do.  Ran in the direct opposite direction.  We were challenged to think about what was our Nineveh? God has an amazing plan for us, too.  Yet, what do we run from.  That was an easy one for me.  For years we took in newborns.  Even when I felt nudged toward adopting, knowing how crazy it sounded.  Life was neat, not complex, balanced.  Everyone was doing well.  One soon off to college.  Why would I want to disrupt the order.  After a serious conversation with God, we actually started the paperwork process.   Long story short.  We are waiting for our Little M.  I think about her before I fall asleep.  I pray that she is falling asleep with a warm blanket nestled around her little body.  I imagine my hand on her head.  I ask for God to wrap her little soul in love.  Most amazing is I have read a good deal of the bible.  I rely upon my quiet time with the Lord, to give me direction in the day.  I know that it may be hard after Little M gets home, but I have faith that God will provide the strength and the wisdom to help her.  I can say now, that I am woman of faith.  I did not know what it meant before.  I answered much to quickly, then.  I have faith, now.