Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Faith

What gets you through your rocky terrain?

For Bella its red cowboy boots:)


For me it is definitely my faith.  My faith in His character.  My faith in His love for us.  When we first started this adoption, the fear of the "what ifs and hows" were kept at bay during the day by prayer and busy-ness.  But at night the doubts and fears would sit and wait until the very moment that sleep lightened and they could worm their way in... What if this little one did not adjust as seamlessly as Bella?  What if I don't love this little one as much as I love all my other children?   How are we going to pay for this adoption and college for one now and two in the near future?  (Just to name a few.)

I am not an anxious person.  I don't usually wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.  A few months ago, in the beginning of this process, I did.  Wow, not fun!  I was agitated and anxious about the money that we would have to pay pretty quickly in the process.  An alphabet soup of the large dollar amounts that would be due soon swam around in my head mixed in with words like tuition payments.  I did not know what to do to calm my racing heart.   Pretty quickly, I did turn to prayer.  I prayed that if this was His will,  I was going to need Him to give me some comfort.  I was going to trust Him (something I learned through our first adoption).  I wanted to adopt so much but there were so many reasons why I should be satisfied with the happy healthy family I had.  The prayer took a little longer than that.  His peace did take over that racing heart.  In the process the numbers started to make sense.  I even was brave enough to add them up.  It was a big healthy sum...several thousands of dollars.  Let's call that number n.  Then I remembered that Jason had told me he was receiving an unexpected check...interest on a business loan.  Guess how much the check ended up being for...yes, you got it. N.  Not a penny more.  Some may say coincidence.  Not me.  I have had too many of these this go around!  At some point, I am sorry, but it is what I call God-incidences.  So many with Bella.  That was the first for Teddy Bear, maybe I will post about some of the others, too.   The most amazing thing has been recognizing God's fingerprints much sooner, than I use to.  From-who I am going through the process with, to-how the timing is working out.  What I am learning is His plan is so much bigger and better than I would have dreamed it to be.  God can do much more than anything we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20

5 comments:

scooping it up said...

amazing. thanks for sharing your conviction and faith. i love it.

Bonnie Nieuwstraten said...

Awesome! We experienced similar "Wow God you are amazing" moments in the financial area of our adoption. Why are finances such a huge area of fear for us? Why are we so amazed when God provides. How many people don't adopt because they are scared of the financial part? Hmmm...things to ponder and ask for our faith to be increased! Excited to watch you go through this journey. (And thanks for sharing about your mom in the last post. My heart hurt for you, just thinking about that. She sounded amazing.)

coffeemom said...

Always. Always, and if you ever forget for a moment...turn your gaze back onto the cutie in the red cowboys boots. There's your reminder, smiling at you and looking all fabulous.

Rebecca said...

Love reading about your faith. Faith in the process and to The One who brought you to it!! Can't wait to see your next little one!

becca said...

love this.
reminds me so much of our journey to Sam.
too much of it was waaay more than just "coincidences"... and i'm so grateful for the lessons.