Wednesday, June 24, 2009


We received news yesterday. All confusion cleared up. Now we move towards obtaining a court date and bringing little B home. As frustrating as the "weight of the wait" is, there are blessings that come from it. I truly believe that. I just want to get this beautiful child home. She is being loved and so well cared for. I do know that. She has an upper respiratory and ear infections and I think she needs to snuggle in bed, reading books, eating home-made chicken soup with her very own mommy.

Waiting for documents to be resubmitted for a court date :)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Summer Happenings, Father's Day, and Waiting

Summer starts with a sort of whip-lash in the Morgan household. Like the roller coaster rides at Disney, we are fooled into thinking that we are coming to a stop when all of a sudden we are racing 60 miles per hour/ 90 degrees downward, stomach bracing, mind whirling, laughing and screaming.

Andrew started work this past week at a golf course. Starts at 5 in the morning. First day he shows up to police cars. A 21y old young man who just returned from Iraq went swimming on the golf course with friends at 2am and drowned. Ugh. A new way to worry about a teenager. He had a college id camp this past weekend. When I applied to college it was so much easier, I was not an athlete.

Eliza is off at horse back riding camp. First time she has been away at sleep-away camp. She went with her best-friend-might-as -well-be-her-sister. The house is quiet without her.

Zach had several end of school parties and starts basketball camp today.

Jason, I have decided is the honorary member to the children category. He and his friends did a man-vacation. They went to New Hampshire for a few days. They mountain biked on Thursday, and hiked the Presidential Traverse on Friday. What takes most normal motivated people 2 grueling days of upward and downward climbing they did in one day. Think waking up at 4am, StairMaster, level 15, 16 hours. Did I miss something? Why would you want to do that? Oh, and I forgot to mention, it was cold and rainy the entire time. Again, why? They had fun being able to say they conquered it. He is still walking funny.

Father's Day. We only had Zach with us. We went out to breakfast, church, lunch at our neighbors, MLS soccer game. I love the father to my children, even the one that is a world away. He is a gentle, loving man. He is the most level, calm, kind man, I know.

Adoption update. There is none. When you struggle with infertility, time becomes two week intervals (two weeks to try-two weeks to see). I am finding that life has become about the day of the week and the time of the day (Monday starts hopeful, Tuesday is the barometer for week, Wednesday and Thursday are the worst because I have figured out that I won't hear, Friday is the climb upwards again for the hope of a new week and maybe answers and movement.) Thank God for Moody because he helped me keep some of my sanity. He captured little B in video and pics. He tried so hard to get her to smile. One started to crack the surface but little B is sure head strong. I sent an email to Jessica on has been 4 weeks since our process took an alternate path. (I do think that God's hand is in it, but don't want to blog about it yet.) We know nothing more than that day-and that day we found out very little. A true lesson in trust and patience. Jason and I are amazed how Jessica's responses are always so sweet and understanding even when she has nothing more to tell us. Please, please, please, information and movement this week. Please, please, good news for this family.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Weight of the Wait

So, we find ourselves waiting again.  We wait for information.  We wait for a new court date.  We wait to travel.  It has been 3+ weeks since our file was pulled/closed.  We did get some information on Wednesday.  Something that I can wrap my mind around.

Will I ever get good at waiting?  I am improving.  I no longer sit by the phone waiting for it to ring.  I am not obsessing about charging my cell phone.  I don't check my emails constantly.  I am sure that once little one is home...I will forget the weight of the wait.  

Meanwhile, I am working on a scrapbook for little B.  One that has pictures from traveling parents and updates.  I can't get enough of her.  Like every parent, I think she is beyond precious.  I know, I know, obnoxious.  I carry her picture with me and pull it out at every opportunity.  I have bought books that I want to read with her.  I bought her a baby doll that I want to play with her.  I want to hold her little face in my hands.  I want to kiss the boo-boos better.  I want to play with the soft curls on her head.  Most of all, I want to see her smile.  I want to hear her giggle.  I want to see her amazement at the ocean.  Dreams stumbling over dreams for her.  (And could someone capture one of the smiles on film???)

In all, the weight of the wait is being shared with a friend who is amazing and also waiting.  But, I really want to go on a diet (read...I want the weight of the wait lifted).  

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Hair today, Gone tomorrow

Jason coaches a club soccer team.  He and the other coach and manager made a deal with the boys.  If they went undefeated the whole year they would shave their hair off.  Tonight they had to pay up.  Pizza and clippers at our house for a 10-0 season.  Great job boys.

Derek getting his locks shaved off.

Jason getting his new look.

This was the threesome before.

The boys got new shirts to commemorate their season.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

A New Day

I think yesterday may have been my lowest point in the adoption process.  Jason talked to Jessica.  It has been two weeks since we heard that they were closing our file and figuring out some things (sorry for being vague).  We have not learned anything new from that  day.  We knew a social worker went to B's village and had returned.  That is all.  Yesterday, we found out they were sending another social worker back down.  

When-we don't know?  
Why-we don't know?  
What will our process look like-we don't know?
Will she be coming home to us-they are confident that she will. (How confident-we don't know?)

Before talking to Jessica, everyone seemed confident that we would be through in a month.  Now, Jason and I are less and less confident that we will make it through before the rainy season.  Yesterday, I was so:

sad-for us and for her (We miss her terribly, but we know she is being loved and cared for well.)
angry-at no one in particular
frustrated-by how long it is taking and the lack of information (I'm type A, researcher, crave information, planner)
spinning my wheels-cleared my schedule, taking no classes (I need a project)

Today, is a new day.  I woke up and kind-of kicked myself in the rear end.  Wrote in my journal.  Prayed.  Read some scripture.  It is amazing to me how strong my faith is when things are going my way but once things veer off the path (that I made) - wow, that faith falters.  (Need to work and pray on that).  I remembered reading something on my friend Em's page.  I went back to find it.  Reread it.  Do we let the circumstances of our lives determine the quality of our lives?  

I do.  

I let it determine my mood, too.  I let myself become preoccupied with the process and neglect the beautiful beings under my roof right now.  The one's that I can have an impact on today.  Also, my husband is better than I deserve.  He took me out last night to get my mind off the new news that there is no news and no promise of news to come this week or maybe next week.  Trust me I have not been the easiest person to live with, as of late.  Not that I am terrible.  Just not so much fun, kind of glum.  Today, is a new day.  I am not bringing my cell phone with me every where.  I am not checking emails, ad naseum.  

I am going to run the errands of a busy household.  I am going to the library to fill my mind with something other than the process of adoption.  I am going to stop feeling sorry for me, us, and for her.  I am going to continue to rejoice in the successes that the adoption community experiences (referrals, court date assignments, and court day passing).  I am going to continue praying for this beautiful girl who passed court and is still not home, and the families who have endured more than I have without whining who sit at the top of the infamous FBI list for referred families.  I am going to enjoy the snipits of information about our little girl that traveling families or a certain sweet orthodontist bring back.  I am going to enjoy her from afar.  I am going to thank God for having new friends in my life who understand and are so supportive.  I am going to trust that the plan He has for us is better than any that I could devise.  

A new day.