Motivation: Motivation influences expectaion. Be able to answer the question..."Why did you adopt me?"
Saying "yes": By the time a bio kid is 2, they have heard yes 1000's of times. Yes, I will feed you. Yes, I will change you. Yes, I will hold you. These yes's give no meaning. Find ways to say yes.
Voice: Tone, volume, and body language is 97% of communication. Kids often don't even hear the words. (Big for me and my teenagers....)
Going to the conference, has made me think even more about adoption than I normally do. When you make brownies from scratch....you mix the eggs, flour, sugar, and vanilla. You bake in a heated oven for about a half hour. Voila! A yummy dessert. However, you can't "unbake the brownies," if you then need the eggs. I have noticed that kids are not too dissimilar. Adopted kids, particularly. It can be hard, if not impossible to tell if a behavior (i.e friendliness) or fear (i.e. of babysitter) is an adoption related issue. Or is it personality. Or is it a function of a good fit in family. Is it some past trauma or life experience? Why do some kids have a really difficult time transitioning when others don't? I don't have any answers. Just wondering. Truly, I think that this is also true of bio kids, too. If you have a rambunctious boy born into a girly girl family....the fit may be an on-going work in progress where as if that same baby had been born into a family of all boys, he may not even be seen as rambunctious. Recently we had our social worker visit and again, she and I were talking about this specifically. Is everything going well because I expect so little? My social worker laughed. We will never know because we can't "unbake the brownies."
All this to say...we are good. Really good and blessed. I am still tired. But we are good. Efa and I are taking a Mommy and Me art class. Bella has started kindergarten and loves it. Zach is juggling soccer and school. Eliza is working on her college applications. Andrew is busy as his fraternity president and his classes. Hmmm.....maybe this is why I am tired:)