Thursday, July 9, 2009


I truly believe our children teach us. Little B is already teaching me something Zach already knows. Be quiet.

Today was a breaking point for me. Probably have a couple more in me but not many. I have felt such a range of emotions in our adopting of Little B.

Before the referral...impatience and excitement reigned.

After "meeting" our little girl....humbled (that we would be chosen or matched as her parents) was added to the list of emotions, sadness because I am a parent to three children already and I could only imagine what they would experience had their story mirrored hers, and impatience and excitement, still.

After our detour (May 21)... fear that she might not be coming home with us, concern for a sweet and very shy 2 year old's transition, sadness for time we are missing out on each other, hopeful that her paperwork issues are resolved and of course impatience and excitement. There would be mixed in frustration and, even, anger at delays that made no sense.

July of yesterday MOWA is closed for training...still no court date for us. Stillness. There is nothing I can do. Nothing Jason can do. A migraine and so many thoughts later.... an email from a sweet friend. (I don't think she will mind my sharing it because I know that I am not the only one inundated with so many emotions and thoughts). This is what she wrote me:

My Jesus Calling devo today. Honest.

Stop worrying long enough to hear my voice. I speak softly to you, in the depths of your being. Your mind shuttles back and forth, hither and yon, weaving webs of anxious confusion. As My thought rise up within you, they become entangled in those sticky webs of worry. Thus, My voice is muffled, and all you hear is white noise.

Ask My Spirit to quiet your mind so that you can think My thoughts. This ability is an awesome benefit of being My child, patterned after My own image. Do not be deafened by the noise of the world or that of your own thinking. Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Sit quietly in My presence, letting My thoughts reprogram your thinking.

Deuteronomy 30:20

Genesis 1:27

Romans 12:2

So I curled up on my bed and waited for my head to stop hurting, the white noise to stop, and to be able to read again. I can choose to surrender to His will or I can fight it and this process. I choose to surrender and instead to thank Him for giving me an amazingly even keel husband, this sweet friend, as well as this one, to walk with on this path. I just may need a reminder now and again.

So for now, I feel quiet.


QB said...

WHAT? Couldn't it close when the courts close? Sorry, I know my WHAT! is not at all quiet and not at all helpful. I'm so sorry to hear this news and to hear of your headache today. Please call me if you need/want anything. Anyone driven anywhere, pizza, whatever. I hope MOWA is done with you and the Court is done with you soon. I very much admire your faith, and wish you peace and quiet.

emily said...

Hold on tight sister. I am so thankful the Lord has thrown us into this boat together. Seriously, not sure what I would have done without you.

Praying you to sweet Miss B soon, trusting in Him and His PERFECT timing.

Tell Jason that I like his way of thinking. :)

Adoption Cubed said...

Praying that you can hold on to the peace and quiet in spite of the swirl of emotions. Thinking of you during this anxious time.


Tam said...

i was hoping maybe you had already received your court date and just hadn't blogged about it. darn. i'm still gonna hold out hope that they can squeeze you in before the closures. hold on as best you can.

Sparkz said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. It has been so long since they have got everything. Issue the stinkin court date. I am so sorry and am praying for peace for you and that YOUR time, B's time comes SOON. She needs to come home!

J, A, T and Y said...

Waiting and trying to stay quiet with you.

Jebena said...

Yes, continue to quiet your spirit. Allow Holy Spirit to minister to you in the stillness. For in the stillness---trust. In trust---faith.
In faith---Love. In love---A higher level of knowing. Be still and know that HE is God.

Sparkz said...

I would have thought you would get a court date by now. Have they said what the hold up is? Usually it seems like once they get the paperwork you get a date. This is so frustrating for me to sit back and watch. I know courts close soon. I don't know how you all handle it with such grace. I guess the Lord knows what we can all handle. Kudos to you for your patience and faith. I wish I had soemthing helpful to say all I can say is that we are praying for you and that we are waiting with you, thinking of you guys, and hoping...

Farmboy and Buttercup said...

Beautiful post.

Yes, I wonder how many breaking points I will get to myself. We need to keep remembering to throw ourselves, our fears, emotions to God so he can once again heal the breaks.

Thanks for the post.

Sparkz said...

Just checking in today.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you! Praying that we get our little ones soon! I wonder IF they are in the same room? Hoping they are home soon!