Emotionally hung-over from yesterday, Adoption workshop tomorrow

Bella and Zach

Why is it that after spending a beautiful special day with family, I feel so sad and off kilter?  We drove to NY to celebrate my nephew's First Holy Communion.  Seeing the cousins together was unreal.  Seeing my father and siblings was special.  The ceremony was special.  So why is there that unsettled feeling the next day?  Is it because my father seems to be getting old quicker than I am ready for?  Is it the emotional exercise of maneuvering the family dynamics, wondering how siblings could be so different and yet, keeping it light and love filled?  Is it missing all of the family members who have died?  Or is it that I project forward to days when more will be gone?  Bella and Eliza loved seeing their cousins, aunts and uncles.  They love being surrounded by family.  Bella is still somewhat new to the cousins because we live so far away.  They just thought she was so special.  They got to see her sweet nature in full force.  She walked in and said to Amama (my sister's mother in law), "I like your dress.  Amama said, "You do?"  Bella responds, "Yes, purple is my favorite color and it looks beautiful on you."  I think Amama who is in her late 70s, almost fell off her chair.  That is all she talked about the rest of the afternoon.  It was so pure.  No parental prompting.  Eliza is getting so mature that she sits down and has a conversation with my father about politics or why she wants to be a surgeon and move to ET.  It was all good, so why does today feel like an emotional hang-over?

Tomorrow, I am going to a workshop on Trans racial Adoption: What Your Children Want You to Know.  I read alot about it before Bella came home.  I have so many questions, now.  Real questions that I want answered.  About a month ago, anonymous commented on my diversity in school v reputation of school post.  She (because I have fallen into the habit of thinking woman are the only people reading blogs) gave me some GREAT advice, as well as confirming what I already was thinking.  She reminded me that the diversity of the faculty was just as important as the diversity of the student body.  Oops, I think that I was so excited about the students...I forgot to ask about the faculty.  Thank you, anonymous.  So, I am so excited to get even more insight into this.  A good friend with a Korean adopt daughter who is grown now, also has shared that she always felt caught in between two worlds.  Not really Korean, and yet not Caucasian.  Her parents had several friends who also adopted from Korea.  They wish that they had put more emphasis on interacting with both non-adoptive and adoptive Korean families. Interesting perspective.  Food for thought.  I would hate for Bella to feel like that.