Travis delivered Bella to us. You could hear her crying two blocks away. (Not exaggerating). When he came to the gate she had stopped only to start up again when she saw us. She cried for a good 20 minutes with me holding her and just saying..."it's okay, ishy, ishy, ishy." she calmed a little bit and we pulled out silly string. I pointed and shot and it unintentionally went all over Jason's face. We all were surprised....shock value...she stopped crying. After that we just played quietly along side each other with some Polly Pockets that I picked up on sale. I have no idea how long we played, but it was for a long time. She slowly relaxed. We ate a snack and took a short nap. When she got up, I expected more of the same...but she was fine. She has been my "cling-on" since. While in country we made the decision that we would not use a care giver. We would only leave her with Jason, me, or Eliza. We felt it was too confusing for her. Other families used them with no long term problem. We just thought at her age it was too much. Are we done with the bonding process...no way. She needs to learn to trust that I will come back if I go, she needs to learn that I love her no matter what - she was told "no" sternly after biting me and she simply crumbled, that hurt my heart more than the bite...she is still processing so much and will probably process forever but we are doing well. Better than I expected. There are moments that I just hurt for all that she has lost-things that she is completely unaware of at the moment, some she is not unaware of. she went around the house calling for a friend still in care. I pulled out the pictures to show her. She used her special care giver's name...and again I pulled out the pictures.
I will post later on adopting an "older" child. Funny that she is considered by some to be older. She is a baby. Everything is so new. But I will leave you with just a thought...if you are torn, or thinking about increasing your age...we were and did. We are also so very happy we did increase the age. Had we not listened to our hearts and gotten a little nudge from this mom....we would not have our sweet baby.
More later.... Bella is restless :)