Monday, February 13, 2012

Hard Stuff







When we got our referral, we thought that we would have to wait but Efa would definitely be home by the end of the year.  Then we thought January.  Now we are not sure he will be celebrating his second birthday with us.  We wait.  We aren't the first and unfortunately we won't be the last.  So to bring you up to date.  We were submitted 5 weeks ago after we decided to hire an attorney, re-tracing, and re-interviewing the witnesses.  In the "stake-holder" meeting that DOS held in October they asked parents to take an active part in verifying and challenging the story that the agencies were telling.  Our agency has been transparent from the start.  As soon as they heard the DOS conference call, the PAP's have to go over the paperwork of their child.  There is nothing hidden.  We went the extra steps because the DOS asked PAPs to.  Our agency placed and add and hung fliers looking for BM, as well.  So, in affect, DOS says jump, we (and agencies) say, "how high?"

So then after spending thousands more on an already expensive adoption, we submitted a more complete file.  RFE ready was our standard.  Jan 10 we were submitted.  The first error by the embassy, they emailed our information to the wrong family.  This family was submitted several weeks before us.  So now we know that the file has been corrupted with other/their information.  Two weeks later USE requests the phone number of the police officer who brought Efa to the orphanage.  Delay tactic.  The phone number is already in our file.  DOS says jump, we say, "how high?"  Our agency provides the numbers a day and a half later, Jan 26.  At this point, our Senator and Representatives are involved We forward the email to them and say it looks like things are moving again.  A week later.  Nothing.  Senator reaches out again.  And the response is a little puzzling to them.  The embassy responds and says, "Gosh, we have only just received the numbers on the 30th"  Our Senator notices the date discrepancy and comments...hmmm, why the few days difference?  Meanwhile, no news.  This past week, we reached out again, this time to our agency.  Have the witnesses been contacted.  They asked the social worker on the ground to check....no, the policeman has not been contacted.  We received an email form the embassy, last Friday.  They had contacted the witness on Feb 2 and Feb 7, but he was in training, so they would reach out again today.  Well, as it turns out, our social worker is in ET right now, so we emailed and asked....can you verify this with the police officer.  They called him Sunday.  No, the embassy has never called him.  They are ready to take and expecting the call from the USE.  Still no call today.

The long and short.....is the embassy lying?  are they calling the wrong witness?  are the police lying (why would he? He has already been interviewed two times)  Even if it all a big misunderstanding...why a call once a week?  This is NOT a "deal" or a "program"  this is a little BOY.  Why not call several times a day or a week.  

This part has been hard.  Hard like I have never had before.  Hard.  It has been close to 17 weeks since we met him.  8 months since our referral.  Today there is no end in sight.  I do know that it WILL end.  I have been like Jacob wrestling with God on the banks of the river.  Me saying...NOW.  Him saying...NOT YET.  

Philippians 4:4-7
 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Funny, how I have always loved 6-7 but never paid too much mind to 4-6.  I cling to 4-6 now.  It tells me what to do, Rejoice and to work on my gentleness (hard) and promises me that He is near.  This little boy will come home.  I know that.  But at what cost to him and to us.  I understand and want ethical adoptions.  I think all reasonable parents want ethical.  But I think we all also want our embassy to be ethical.    





10 comments:

Bonnie Nieuwstraten said...

Oh Jen, I am crying as I read this and think of your pain and then look at sweet little Efa. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that God is faithful and I know that He is a mover of mountains. Asking with great faith for Him to move them now. Praying.....

Coffeemom said...

I am so glad you posted this: the timeline, the discrepancies. It makes me so frustrated to watch you wait and see the lack of timely, competent, representation by our own government on behalf of it's citizens. To e stalled and possibly have the file messed up due to their lack of diligence is app along. Unacceptable. Our reps need to be involved; the embassy mustvalso have the same level of accountability that they presume to demand from the in country government as well as the PAPs.
I can only hope this gets the attention of someone who can break the logjam of ineptitude or simple disregard. Someone who can remember this is about a boy...not a stack of stamped papers.
Bless you jen. Still praying. Won't quit. Love m

Kameron said...

Oh boy... This is so infuriating and frustrating and saddening! Praying him home! The USE must be held responsible for their inadequacies! UGH...

Jennifer said...

Jen - I am so sorry that this is happening. It is wrong to use children and families in this bureaucratic game. Praying for a breakthrough for you guys and an end to this madness. Efa needs to come home.

scooping it up said...

this makes me ill. I am so sorry for little E and for you all. What a mess. What a hot mess. Prayers still coming your direction my friend.

Shannon said...

Unbelievable. Livid for you and for your sweet little boy waiting to come home. Lifting your entire family up in prayer.

David and Carrie said...

Praying for you all right now! Today I was running and this song came on my ipod....and you came to my mind immediately!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN7L3m9jIcc

Eric and Jessi said...

Oh Jen I am so sorry. This makes my heart hurt and makes me so angry. I am praying for you.

Heidi said...

This makes my heart break. I am so sorry you all are going through this and what a complete mess the system has become over there. Of course I am for ethical adoptions but I don't see how this mess is helping anyone, least of all the children who need the most help. Praying for you with all my might! XOXO

The Zoo said...

We didn't have the same delays as you, but we did have delays. I understand the frustration. I can tell you that the one thing I've learned through this process (our son has been home for almost 8 months now) is that every step of it is orchestrated by God and meant to teach you something. I'm not saying, just because I understand this concept, that I handle it gracefully, but I believe it with all of my heart.