Friday, January 9, 2009

Nine and a little more paper chasing

So we have finished week 9.  We found out yesterday that we will have to do an addendum to our home study and then file that addendum with CIS. We will also have o get Gladney approval, again.  My impression is that it should not be long processes.  The Gladney approval should not be a big deal, either.  I was so discouraged when I received the news.  I was hoping that it would be simple.  It seemed overwhelming.  I must have been tired of the prospect of more paperwork.  Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful man that must have picked up on my exhaustion... because he volunteered to pick up the baton in the paper chase relay.

*Note to self (and anyone else who cares) when you do the home study have your "preference"  be as broad as it can be.  You will get the opportunity to be more specific, later.  I wish that I had known this at an earlier date.

**So I wrote that a day after getting the email spelling out what we will need to do.  Today, I feel even less overwhelmed.   It is doable.  No the idea of having to get anything from CIS is still  daunting (the timing is scarey-will it take two weeks or two months?).  

A little realness.  When I was pregnant with Eliza, I remember wondering how would I love any child as much as Andrew.  As a child my parents explained that love was similar to the light of a candle.  You don't have a limited quantity to give, it is infinite.  You can light an infinite number of candles from one flame.  It does not diminish the light given off by that one candle, it grows the light around you.  They had five children and I was trying to figure out who they loved most, sure that it was me:)  Skip forward to now.  As we get closer to getting Little M's referral, I have that same nudging feeling (not overwhelming, but on the periphery)...  What if I feel nothing when I see Little M?  I mentioned it to Jason.  I did not think that I could love that man more, but I do after his response.  "But it will be our Little M."  I remember how we thought our children were the most perfect babies.  Every time we went to pick up one of the foster babies, we thought they were just as perfect, just as beautiful, just as much of a gift.  How little faith I have sometimes!  While I may not respond to a photo immediately, Little M has already become part of my dreams.  If you want something great to read about Love... coffeemom said it so beautifully, go read.  


Nicholas said...

I'm sorry you have more paperwork to do - it's overwhelming sometimes and you don't think you can get one more thing notarized! I didn't/don't remember having to do all that for our change but I guess we did - that stinks. NH is so fast that we got our cis approval within a week both times. The benefit of living in a small state with little diversity of citizenship. Blessing and a curse!

It's all working out the way it's supposed (sp) to. And in the end your wait will be less overall with your new change and you will have other things to think about. Like packing, and other stuff. It never ends! Even when they come home! I'm still waiting for paperwork to be done so it's all behind us 100%.

From what I've seen with everyone is that they go crazy when they see their childs referral picture. Then they stare at it, then the questions come and the desire to get more pictures is beyond excruciating becuase the child may have a certain expression or something that you're dying to know more about. And you will hunt down everyone and anyone traveling soon so that they can get more pictures for you!

This process is such a roller coaster. I was so blessed to have the blog community to go through it with. Especially people still waiting like me. It really did seem like people already home with kids just didn't get it if there was a week setback or whatever. And I would hate it when they would write things like "you'll forget all about this angst" etc etc. Oh, save it I would think! What do they know!!

Guess what? That's me now and I wish I could help you more. But I'm on the "other side" and it's easy to remember how you feel but it's hard to actually feel it now. Make sense? I hope you have other frineds that are also waiting that you can talk to. Emily was my rock and my sanity who was able to talk me off the ledge on many occassions. Sorry for rambling.

coffeemom said...

I feel that way every time: the what if I don't love them as much..? And it never happens. I DO love them as much. But NO love is precisely exactly the same. But it is AS much. Baffling, but it is. You know it too, it's just that fear snag we all get.

As the paperwork, it's maddening I know so well. We had approval for two but had to change the ages and go through all the hoops you're jumping now. My utter empathy! But it will go swiftly I betcha and you'll be on your way and it is SO SO exciting! I am thrilled for you and I just want to remind you that God is one you can never second guess. He loves a curve ball, which, really, is part of the fun! It's gonna be great! I will pray for speed for you too! love M

Lori S said...

I worried about not being able to love as much, as well. I think it's normal... We worry, then it happens, we love them just as much and God says, "See, I've got you covered!" He's pretty amazing that way!
I'm excited for you to get your referral. I hope little M is one of Faven and Diborah's friends! So glad you broadened your age range!
Good luck with that crazy paperwork! So glad you have a super-husband to pick up the slack!

Farmboy and Buttercup said...

Ah, the wonder about love, and what that love will feel like. It IS a mystery. And it DOES take time. Thanks so much for the link to coffeemom's post. Although coffeemom and I are "friends", I wasn't blogging much in the summer and missed that post. It is EXCELLENT.

Yeah, the paperwork can feel daunting. Sometimes I think it is all part of the enemy's hopes to get us discouraged and throw in the towel. He just doesn't get it, though, as we plow through the paperwork, it actually makes our commitment and excitement stronger. Hope yours goes without any glitches.

QB said...

Boston CIS seems to do a good job of turning things around quickly. I hope they do for you. And yay for Jason for taking over the paper! Sorry I missed you Thursday - hope to see you soon.

Kristi J said...

What a great post...really enjoyed it and read Coffee Mom's too!! We're so close...I can't wait to see my baby's face....I feel such an attachment already...I hold my friends babies (like today) and dream about it being Lucy Lane...Can't wait to hear about your new age exciting and should go faster now, shouldn't exciting, kristi

Sparkz said...

It IS amazing how little faith we have sometimes. Or at least I feel that way so often. I am so in love with our son and we haven't even met yet. I didn't think it was possible. I was so scared I would want a girl if we were referred a boy (or vis versa) but I knew the moment she said he was a boy it was perfect. Even to this day I am amazed that I just KNEW. There was no doubt. He was OURS and he was MEANT to be OURS! When I first saw him I was so happy and loved him. Day by day that love has grown and I am amazed that I can love him any MORE than I already do! Anyway I know I've said that a ton, but I had little faith and still was blessed beyond measure!

I LOVE the candle idea. I have never had anyone explain something like that. What an awesome thought and so true! Glad things are coming along soon you'll be back at the finish line waiting... I love the updates and your heart to be willing to except an older child!

emily said...

How did I miss this post?

I can assure you as my precious little Abe is sitting here on my lap, I couldn't love this child anymore!! :)

I'm so proud of you. I can't wait to see exactly what child the Lord has for your family.