Monday, March 16, 2009

What I did not know about Love

I full expected to love B, just not so soon.  I was going to "pace" myself. What a joke!  I know that sometimes in "international adoption" things don't work out like you expect.  I have had friends get and then lose a referral.  I now understand what they went/ are going through.  She is so fully in our hearts.  I saw a picture of B sent to me by another adopting parent that had her nanny in it.  The nanny had her hand on B's head in the most nurturing and loving way.  I feel so indebted to the nanny and Gladney.  I am so thankful that B is being so well loved.  

The day after our referral, I read this piece on patience.  I am including it in our blog so I can always find it when I need it.  It is written by Barbara Bush.  It spoke to me on so many levels.  

Contented Heart, Patient Heart

It is common to hear women bemoaning their lack of patience as if it were the most difficult gift to pry from God's hand.  in fact impatience stems almost solely from our exaggerated notions of what is due us.  If we could lower our estimation of the importance of our time, our plans and our feelings, we could find ourselves almost automatically more patient.

If we are impatient about things that anger God-repeated sin, inattention to His word, social injustice- we cannot really be called impatient (as long as our opinions are expressed in love.)  Neither can we expect a woman to remain totally unperturbed if someone smashes into her new car.  Certainly "learning patience" is not an acceptable reason for failure to discipline a rebellious child.  Patience is not he same thing as resignation or the cynical attitude that always expects the worst possible outcome.

Patience is a more positive trait.  it is the ability to bear affliction, delay and interruption with calmness, perseverance and confidence in the goodness of God (Colossians 1:11-12).  It is inward peace as well as outward control.  It is the submission of our schedules, our viewpoints, our dreams, to the greater plan of God, with he conviction that he has a good reason for every delay he allows to come our way.

I am looking forward to a quiet week.  I am looking forward to cleaning closets, organizing, and watching a few movies. My A&P class has the week off.  The fundraiser that I was helping with was last Saturday earned over $300,000.  My schedule just lightened up!  

***  B has been in a crib.  Should we keep her in a crib?  


coffeemom said...

Thanks for this post. I AM impatient, and it's because I am prideful and controlling. So, a good reminder to me too!

And yeah, she's your girl, you love her..enjoy the quiet sinking in of that this week! It's just so good!

As for the crib, I would. We did w/ Gabey. He preferred it, it was familiar which meant safe. He slept better in the crib than w/ us at first....and now he likes to fall asleep in my arms or next to me on my bed...and we move him to a twin bed w/ bumpers on both sides. he's just so heaving to lift out of a crib...but it's still up in my room (the twin is in his shared room w/ Little Man) and when he was sick last week, he slept in it again. So, yeah, crib? I would, even if it's for a relatively short time. but that's just IMHO, every kid is different and you know that so well! Enjoy your week! Love M

emily said...

Precious. Contentment? Why is it so hard sometimes, all the time??

It is only a love that can be explained by Him, it just doesn't make sense in the natural world does it? True, mama bear, would do anything for them love and it is just over a picture. Such a beautiful thing!

I would definitely leave her in a crib if possible. I would do anything to maintain her schedule and good sleep habits. Trust me, you don't want to go back to sleepless nights, no fun! :)

Lindsey & Cortney said...

Hey Jen,
We were at all of the centers last week. We might have a picture for you. Email me your referral pic and I will look. Is she at the older kids foster center or one of the baby houses?

Lindsey Clevinger

Kristi J said...

Great post on patience and the LOVE you have for your daughter...yes, it is instant and yes, VERY painful when it doesn't work out...I pray that never happens to you or anyone really stinks.... Praying we hear good news soon :) Ok, on the crib thing...I take my kiddos out at 12 months so I can sleep with them when I need to...I love it for bonding..I put them in double beds with rails...So happy for you guys, kristi

Drew Carey Show said...

Hi Jen,
How exciting that you accepted a referral! We didn't meet many of the older children while we were there, and I don't recall meeting any toddler age girls. Shucks. But I'll double check our pics and let you know if I come up with anything.

Congratulations on the newest addition to join your family soon!

Farmboy and Buttercup said...

Great post!

Also, about the crib. Here is how I *think* we are going to do it. We are not planning on a crib. She will be sharing a double bed with her 5 yr old sister, so I guess I think she will feel comforted by that. Also, with the double bed thing, I can lay down with her at times. I will haul out the old pack-n-play, and probably put it in our room in case that is useful for a while.

Rebecca said...

This post is beautiful. It is amazing how deeply in love you can fall with your child!

So...I wish we could have kept Eli in his crib. I know he slept in one while in ET. At least, I'm pretty sure he did - they all do, right? Anyway, if we even put him in his crib he cries this terrifying cry. Like the cry he cried when we first met him and were taking him away from everything he ever knew. We really tried to put him in his crib. I even tried to let him cry it out...for an hour and a half. After that I decided that he wouldn't want to sleep with us forever. *Right?* But, he's sleeping with us for now. Something terrifies him about the crib. I just don't feel comfortable leaving him there since he has such a meltdown...he never melts down like THAT about anything else.

There's my two cents :) I think you just have to do what's best for you guys!

And, really, when Eli wakes me up in the morning by grabbing my face and kissing me on the lips, I think he can sleep with me as long as he wants :) Sweetest boy.

Lori S said...

Patience....I could still use a little more! (o:
This was a great post! I may be referring back to it often, too!

I don't have any answers about the crib, but I DO know that neither of my girls wanted to sleep alone--they needed constant touch while sleeping. So, even though we have a bunk bed for our 3 girls to sleep in, they have all decided to sleep together on one of the bunks--usually the top!! You'll just have to figure out what she is comfortable with and be flexible!