Friday, June 12, 2009

The Weight of the Wait


So, we find ourselves waiting again.  We wait for information.  We wait for a new court date.  We wait to travel.  It has been 3+ weeks since our file was pulled/closed.  We did get some information on Wednesday.  Something that I can wrap my mind around.

Will I ever get good at waiting?  I am improving.  I no longer sit by the phone waiting for it to ring.  I am not obsessing about charging my cell phone.  I don't check my emails constantly.  I am sure that once little one is home...I will forget the weight of the wait.  

Meanwhile, I am working on a scrapbook for little B.  One that has pictures from traveling parents and updates.  I can't get enough of her.  Like every parent, I think she is beyond precious.  I know, I know, obnoxious.  I carry her picture with me and pull it out at every opportunity.  I have bought books that I want to read with her.  I bought her a baby doll that I want to play with her.  I want to hold her little face in my hands.  I want to kiss the boo-boos better.  I want to play with the soft curls on her head.  Most of all, I want to see her smile.  I want to hear her giggle.  I want to see her amazement at the ocean.  Dreams stumbling over dreams for her.  (And could someone capture one of the smiles on film???)

In all, the weight of the wait is being shared with a friend who is amazing and also waiting.  But, I really want to go on a diet (read...I want the weight of the wait lifted).  



11 comments:

emily said...

I can't wait for you to add pics of Moody with B to the book. :)

You are waiting with grace my dear.

coffeemom said...

I wish I could LIFT this weight...and the wait and all of it for you. I would if I could!!! But it's gonna happen, I know it. KEep hanging in there,you're doing an amazing job in the toughest of situations!!! Much love M

Rahel said...

thinking of you...i think of little B often and feel so "close" to the children that i had the chance to visit with! i hope that you hear positive news soon!!!!

Eric and Tara said...

I totally remember wondering why no one would send me pictures of my sweet boy smiling! It was the one thing I wanted to see and it couldn't be THAT hard right?? But oddly enough, it was amazingly hard to get the little ones to smile for the camera! I tried every trick in the book when we were in ET taking pictures for other families and I think they were all jusr mezmorized by the wierdo white people. :) I will be praying that you get to see that sweet, sweet smile soon!!!!

Jennifer said...

I hope you hear SOON!

Sparkz said...

I am so sorry. It gets so hard to "hurry up and wait". Can't wait until things are finalized and she is yours. You have a great attitude and hopefully it will be soon!

Susan and Chad said...

We will be watching and waiting to hear of beautiful news soon - stay strong!

Farmboy and Buttercup said...

I so hear you. That diet sounds great.

It is true that you will forget the pain of the wait once your sweet one is in your arms, but it certainly doesn't change the reality of the pain at this moment.

Sparkz said...

Just checking in on you. I love the picture that goes w/this post by the way. I meant to say so the other day and got caught up thinking of what to write.

Maribeth said...

I know this must be an agonizing time for you, but keep the faith. You remain in my thoughts and prayers during this time.

Katy said...

This post made me cry. Yes, the weight of the wait goes away when the wait is done. But when such a long time is spent under such significant mental strain (no matter how wonderful the rest of your life is) it leaves a little mark you can feel when you read something like this. I'm glad you have some info. Love to everybody & hope we see you soon.