A New Day

I think yesterday may have been my lowest point in the adoption process.  Jason talked to Jessica.  It has been two weeks since we heard that they were closing our file and figuring out some things (sorry for being vague).  We have not learned anything new from that  day.  We knew a social worker went to B's village and had returned.  That is all.  Yesterday, we found out they were sending another social worker back down.  

When-we don't know?  

Why-we don't know?  

What will our process look like-we don't know?

Will she be coming home to us-they are confident that she will. (How confident-we don't know?)

Before talking to Jessica, everyone seemed confident that we would be through in a month.  Now, Jason and I are less and less confident that we will make it through before the rainy season.  Yesterday, I was so:

sad-for us and for her (We miss her terribly, but we know she is being loved and cared for well.)

angry-at no one in particular

frustrated-by how long it is taking and the lack of information (I'm type A, researcher, crave information, planner)

spinning my wheels-cleared my schedule, taking no classes (I need a project)

Today, is a new day.  I woke up and kind-of kicked myself in the rear end.  Wrote in my journal.  Prayed.  Read some scripture.  It is amazing to me how strong my faith is when things are going my way but once things veer off the path (that I made) - wow, that faith falters.  (Need to work and pray on that).  I remembered reading something on my friend Em's page.  I went back to find it.  Reread it.  Do we let the circumstances of our lives determine the quality of our lives?  

I do.  

I let it determine my mood, too.  I let myself become preoccupied with the process and neglect the beautiful beings under my roof right now.  The one's that I can have an impact on today.  Also, my husband is better than I deserve.  He took me out last night to get my mind off the new news that there is no news and no promise of news to come this week or maybe next week.  Trust me I have not been the easiest person to live with, as of late.  Not that I am terrible.  Just not so much fun, kind of glum.  Today, is a new day.  I am not bringing my cell phone with me every where.  I am not checking emails, ad naseum.  

I am going to run the errands of a busy household.  I am going to the library to fill my mind with something other than the process of adoption.  I am going to stop feeling sorry for me, us, and for her.  I am going to continue to rejoice in the successes that the adoption community experiences (referrals, court date assignments, and court day passing).  I am going to continue praying for this beautiful girl who passed court and is still not home, and the families who have endured more than I have without whining who sit at the top of the infamous FBI list for referred families.  I am going to enjoy the snipits of information about our little girl that traveling families or a certain sweet orthodontist bring back.  I am going to enjoy her from afar.  I am going to thank God for having new friends in my life who understand and are so supportive.  I am going to trust that the plan He has for us is better than any that I could devise.  

A new day.