Sunday, December 28, 2008

Seven



Week Seven was wonderful.  Christmas and family time.  Some of our favorite surprises where TOM's shoes  for Eliza and booties for me, knowing that two other people would also be receiving new shoes.  Yes, we had soccer - I am seeing a pattern.  We were all thinking that the next year would hold a even more wonderful gift....a new member(s) to the family.

Andrew left for Florida yesterday with one of his best friends-Robby (the handsome young man in the picture with Eliza).  I love that kid.  If he looks familiar it is because he and his sister found Cell Phones for Soldiers.  There are so many amazing kids out there.... I already miss the energy that Andrew brings to the family.  When he is around, the house is filled with big 16/17 year old, cleats galore, Axe (to disguise the sweat), and loud rough housing.  Needless to say, it is quiet and fresh smelling.  What am I going to do when he is at college?

We have been doing a lot of thinking and praying.  We are thinking about lifting the infant preference on our adoption preference.  We have been doing a lot of soul searching.  There seems to be a long list of people waiting for a baby and a long list of children waiting for families....The only thing holding us back at this point is the headache to change our documents, and a small amount of fear about attaching.  Any insight?  Post or email me.  We are open to learning.  

11 comments:

Dan, Tiffany, and Petros said...

We adopted a 3-year-old boy this summer, and have had absolutely NO attachment issues. I read every book about attachment parenting, issues, etc. and needed none of it! Feel free to e-mail me through my blog address with any questions. Good luck!

Kristi J said...

Hey, check out my sisters blog if you haven't already..They adopted a 4 year old boy (he's probably really 6...you need to know once you get into toddlers..they are usually a little older than stated)But he's tiny and LOVES my sister and their family...NO attachment issues at all...He's adorable and they've had a very easy transition. www.puttyfamily.blogspot.com
Their youngest bio child was 8, so they wanted to keep birth order and a 4 or 6 year old fit perfectly...praying for you, kristi

coffeemom said...

This is a tough one, but I would say really prayerfully listen. The trick is to sidestep the fear. I haven't adopted, yet, an older child but the path to it was filled with fear. Even bringing little Gabey home as a toddler (17mo's at placement) was filled w/ attachment fears and he is hands down the easiest adoption we have done.

As much as some might disagree, I feel strongly that God brings these children to you. So this calls for prayer. I have much to say about this and the discerning process....so if you are interested in more y ou can read some of my posts from July (I think) when we were in the last throes of decision making and/or email me and I'm happy to talk further about it. But don't want to bore you otherwise!
I will pray for this for you too, however.

And lastly, when we were there, Belay said, all the babies, even in the govt orphanage, will be matched, it's teh older kids (toddler up) that don't. but even so, I think you need to go w/ what your heart and prayers are nudging you toward, infant or older.
Love M

emily said...

I would love to visit with you about this- I know that He has the perfect child picked out for you! We know that we will go back for an older child next time.

I will pray and trust that He will give you perfect peace in this situation friend! :)

Lori said...

You probably know our story pretty well. The week in ET was shockingly hard - we were thinking the absolute WORST when we all met for the first time and that week.

And it's been a delight and joy to bring this amazing person home with us. Attachment has NOT been an issue with us. She was fearful of new people once we can home for several weeks and has come around on that front as well.

You are welcome to call or write me anytime to talk if you want to!

We thank God so much for changing our minds about raising our original age - it was meant to be for us.

MP said to me over the weekend that these are the best days of his life! How's that for confirmation!! :)

We changed because we got back to the real reason we picked Ethiopia, the need was so great. Did it matter if we didn't have a baby or a one year old in the end, heck no. So, we went up to three (which is still not very old)!

Lori said...

Jen, I think we exchanged email addresses in the past but I cannot find yours! I'd love to send you my post after the revelation of age change (and gender). Or if you feel uncomfortable with that, go back to my April 08' archives on my blog!

Adoption Cubed said...

I hope your family had a Merry Christmas!

Wow! How great that you all are praying and thinking about the age of children you will adopt! I can understand some of the attachment fear. At least for us, the reasons to adopt an older child far outweighed the reasons not too. I'll admit it, I'm biased. It IS a leap of fath; for us, and for Abebe. But it is GOOD! I will be excited to see where you feel led!!!

Rebecca

P.S. I think you are the first person I've "met" that listens to Regina Spektor!

J-momma said...

i'm no expert but i think a lot of it has to do with the child's personality. my son was 14 months (adopted from US foster care) when we got him. most people think that's young enough not to have attachment problems, but we did! it was a really hard year and we had to work at attaching but i am happy to say he is most fully and definitely attached to us now. my friends adopted a child at almost two and had no problems at all. my son just happens to have a more feisty inner-fighter temperment. i wrote out our whole story in my november archives on my blog, including all the attachment work we did and what worked/didn't work.

with younger older child adoption (know what i mean? toddlers and such) it's just about putting the work in. with older older children, you may never get the full attachment you desire. good luck to you. i hope you find the right child for your family soon.

Lori S said...

The age of child/ren you decide to adopt is such an important decision. I will pray that God will help you to know just exactly where he is leading you!!
I can't wait to hear what you decide!

Kristin said...

Wanted to share our situation with you since you are asking for opinions! We adopted a "3" year old who we brought home last March. Our precious daughter had been malnurished but yet lovingly cared for and had no ill effects other then the fact that she was so small for the age that we now believe het to be. She is very smart, has adjusted amazingly easily and is the perfect addition to our family of 8. She has a twin brother now as with the hazy ages it turns out that we have two who are around 5 but they love having each other and it has been a healthy thing for both of them, enhancing rather then taking away from them. Marin Tigist did battle parasites but otherwise has had no serious problems. Even her teeth are in good shape aside from some minor discoloration. I hope and pray that we will be able to go back again for an older child -- I would hope for an 8 year old or so. Meeting those kids and playing with them all week was such a gift from God. Those kids blew us away with their kindness, innocence and purity. They had known love and wanted to share it again. Good luck in your decision but it is all a huge leap of faith. God will do great things if we let Him! Happy new year!
Kristin
www.irishopian.blogspot.com

sparkz said...

Wow that is a big change! A good one to think about! It is so true! My sister in law adopted an older child last year! He is doing really well with all of the changes, etc. that have taken place. http://henokmoak.blogspot.com/

Here is their site I am sure she can give you some advice. It might take a little bit b/c they stay pretty busy! Their adoption took the same time an infant adoption too and I am pretty sure cost around the same amount when it was all said and done. Anyway it is a big change but I think its a great thing to think about. After we get through with this one we want to start thinking about adopting an older child (not too old 3+ possibly) but it all depends on finances and funding!