Building an Ark

No, seriously, we are. This ran in the Globe today. We need sun. July holds so much promise. for sun and more.

We are waiting for a court date. That means all the paperwork is sorted out. I will post more on this one day, just not yet. Quiet comfort knowing that we may be able to hold our little one soon. Praying that the court date is not elusive and that it is successful.

Andrew's team won at the USA Nationals Club Tournament and is going to Finals in Virginia at the end of the month. So much soccer.

Zach's team competes next weekend. If they win their national finals is in Florida same weekend. Sorry boys, I hope to be out of the country with your dad: )

I had the nicest albeit rainy day..... I got to play with these beautiful twins. Can't wait to add a playmate to the mix...

Summer Happenings, Father's Day, and Waiting

Summer starts with a sort of whip-lash in the Morgan household. Like the roller coaster rides at Disney, we are fooled into thinking that we are coming to a stop when all of a sudden we are racing 60 miles per hour/ 90 degrees downward, stomach bracing, mind whirling, laughing and screaming.

Andrew started work this past week at a golf course. Starts at 5 in the morning. First day he shows up to police cars. A 21y old young man who just returned from Iraq went swimming on the golf course with friends at 2am and drowned. Ugh. A new way to worry about a teenager. He had a college id camp this past weekend. When I applied to college it was so much easier, I was not an athlete.

Eliza is off at horse back riding camp. First time she has been away at sleep-away camp. She went with her best-friend-might-as -well-be-her-sister. The house is quiet without her.

Zach had several end of school parties and starts basketball camp today.

Jason, I have decided is the honorary member to the children category. He and his friends did a man-vacation. They went to New Hampshire for a few days. They mountain biked on Thursday, and hiked the Presidential Traverse on Friday. What takes most normal motivated people 2 grueling days of upward and downward climbing they did in one day. Think waking up at 4am, StairMaster, level 15, 16 hours. Did I miss something? Why would you want to do that? Oh, and I forgot to mention, it was cold and rainy the entire time. Again, why? They had fun being able to say they conquered it. He is still walking funny.

Father's Day. We only had Zach with us. We went out to breakfast, church, lunch at our neighbors, MLS soccer game. I love the father to my children, even the one that is a world away. He is a gentle, loving man. He is the most level, calm, kind man, I know.

Adoption update. There is none. When you struggle with infertility, time becomes two week intervals (two weeks to try-two weeks to see). I am finding that life has become about the day of the week and the time of the day (Monday starts hopeful, Tuesday is the barometer for week, Wednesday and Thursday are the worst because I have figured out that I won't hear, Friday is the climb upwards again for the hope of a new week and maybe answers and movement.) Thank God for Moody because he helped me keep some of my sanity. He captured little B in video and pics. He tried so hard to get her to smile. One started to crack the surface but little B is sure head strong. I sent an email to Jessica on Thursday...it has been 4 weeks since our process took an alternate path. (I do think that God's hand is in it, but don't want to blog about it yet.) We know nothing more than that day-and that day we found out very little. A true lesson in trust and patience. Jason and I are amazed how Jessica's responses are always so sweet and understanding even when she has nothing more to tell us. Please, please, please, information and movement this week. Please, please, good news for this family.

Week Sixteen, Belated Bday post, Am I like Jonah?

I will apologize up front... sorry for the long post.  Week sixteen draws to an end.  Andrew celebrated his 17th birthday while we were on our college tour so I am sitting down and celebrating him.

Happy Birthday Rew!

Seventeen things I love about you.

1. Your one dimple.

2. Your love of sports.

3. Your knack for getting along with everyone.

4. Your love of music.

5. Your young soul.

6. Your ability to bring together a community to support your effort to help the kids in the Dominican Republic.

7. Your math mind.

8. You were the easiest baby (thank you, God, because I was so young.)

9. Your boyish sense of humor that makes me smile.

10. Your confidence.

11. Your intensity when you are interested.

12. Your ability to wear old-school shorts to a soccer game, pink pants, or what not to get a laugh out of your friends.

13. Your loyalty.

14. Your love of movies.

15. Your desire to travel. (You are the easiest kid to travel with :)

16. Your love of food even when it is different (Indian, Ethiopian, sushi)

17. Your gentle spirit that makes me look like a good mother when it is just you - a wonderful creation of God's that I can take little credit for.  (Thank you for keeping those little scriptures that I hand you in your wallet.  I love you.)

**  So, this part of the post is more difficult for me.  I am new to talking about my relationship with God.  When we first started the adoption, I was asked by another adoptive mom, "are you a woman of faith?"  My response was immediate.  "Yes."  I have always believed in God, gone to church, and prayed.  I had even opened the bible occasionally, gotten as far as completing the book of Genesis.  I knew nothing about being a woman of faith.  Adopting has been amazing in so many ways.  One of the changes it has brought about has been in my relationship with God.  

I signed up to study the bible.  It has been amazing.  There have been too many times that something we were studying directly spoke to what was happening within the confines of our home.  In CBS two weeks ago we studied the book of Jonah.  Wow, I always knew Jonah was swallowed by a whale.  That was the story, right?  Wrong.  So much more.  One part of the story (because there are so many to learn).  Jonah ran from what the Lord told  him to do.  Ran in the direct opposite direction.  We were challenged to think about what was our Nineveh? God has an amazing plan for us, too.  Yet, what do we run from.  That was an easy one for me.  For years we took in newborns.  Even when I felt nudged toward adopting, knowing how crazy it sounded.  Life was neat, not complex, balanced.  Everyone was doing well.  One soon off to college.  Why would I want to disrupt the order.  After a serious conversation with God, we actually started the paperwork process.   Long story short.  We are waiting for our Little M.  I think about her before I fall asleep.  I pray that she is falling asleep with a warm blanket nestled around her little body.  I imagine my hand on her head.  I ask for God to wrap her little soul in love.  Most amazing is I have read a good deal of the bible.  I rely upon my quiet time with the Lord, to give me direction in the day.  I know that it may be hard after Little M gets home, but I have faith that God will provide the strength and the wisdom to help her.  I can say now, that I am woman of faith.  I did not know what it meant before.  I answered much to quickly, then.  I have faith, now. 

Spring Sprite

My first purchase for Little M.  I have not allowed myself to buy anything or Little M.  I found this Spring Sprite (fairy) lst week and I could not resist.  When I was little, I loved fairies.  I imagined a whole world of little people that lived a parallel life to me.  In Eliza's first bedroom, I painted a dogwood tree filled with butterflies, dragon flies, ants and bumblebees.  (I love dragon flies and butterflies.)  As she got older, she would not let me pint over her mural.  The people who bought our old house, put their daughter in that room and kept it, also.  Recently Eliza asked if I would paint it again for her and Little M.  When I saw this fairy holding a dragon fly, I had to have him for Little M.  I want to hang it by a window, to capture the light. I wonder if little M will enjoy imagining and reading or will she be more clinical, or both? One of the joys of parenting... unwrapping the gifts in each child.

**I am so excited because I found out that the artist does fairies that are African, too.  I will just have to do a little leg work to find them.

Mission Statement, College tour, Update

We are back from our college tour.  We saw Connecticut College, University of Richmond, Catholic University, American University, Loyola of Maryland, Muhlenberg, University of Delaware.  We will fit Holy Cross in tomorrow.  The process is exhausting and exciting.  The wonderful thing is Andrew really has a preference.  He loved Catholic and Loyola.  The coaches were so generous with their time, the student body was kind, and the campuses were beautiful.  We enjoyed the time together as a family.  We actually used the time in the car (there was a lot of it) to make our family mission statement.  Initially the kids were annoyed that they could not listen to their ipods or read their books, but eventually they engaged and enjoyed the process.

We received our confirmation that CIS has amended our approval to be a broader range in age.  Jessica called, also, saying that she received our new signed service agreement.  What this means...is we are on the wait list (continuation) but for a child/ren 0-4.  So going into our 16th week, we are so excited about all the possibilities.  The other great news is that there are so many Gladney families that have passed court and are now preparing to travel.  Life is good.  We are getting closer holding our Little M.  

Eight

Week Eight ended last week.  The New Year.  Two weeks of vacation ended today.  We had a week filled with snow, movies, books, games, and family time.  The only thing that would have made the week better was if Little M was here.  

Jessica from Gladney is helping us to figure out what we need to do to "lift" the infant requirement.  Maybe, nothing because we are already approved for a sibling group up to 4.  We are definitely lifting it, though, paperwork or not.  The irony is that we could still end up with an infant.  Just when I think that I know what our family will look like, I get a reminder that I am not in charge.  God has a wonderful sense of humor.  As we pass the time, the excitement is definitely building.  

Seven

Week Seven was wonderful.  Christmas and family time.  Some of our favorite surprises where TOM's shoes  for Eliza and booties for me, knowing that two other people would also be receiving new shoes.  Yes, we had soccer - I am seeing a pattern.  We were all thinking that the next year would hold a even more wonderful gift....a new member(s) to the family.

Andrew left for Florida yesterday with one of his best friends-Robby (the handsome young man in the picture with Eliza).  I love that kid.  If he looks familiar it is because he and his sister found Cell Phones for Soldiers.  There are so many amazing kids out there.... I already miss the energy that Andrew brings to the family.  When he is around, the house is filled with big 16/17 year old, cleats galore, Axe (to disguise the sweat), and loud rough housing.  Needless to say, it is quiet and fresh smelling.  What am I going to do when he is at college?

We have been doing a lot of thinking and praying.  We are thinking about lifting the infant preference on our adoption preference.  We have been doing a lot of soul searching.  There seems to be a long list of people waiting for a baby and a long list of children waiting for families....The only thing holding us back at this point is the headache to change our documents, and a small amount of fear about attaching.  Any insight?  Post or email me.  We are open to learning.  

Messiah and Marshmallows

Week six finished.  Sometimes I wonder if counting makes it go slower.  I continue to count though, to share with our little one later.

Yesterday, in a mini-course at an area church we went over Handel's Messiah.  The music is beautiful, the history intriguing, and the relationship to scripture enlightening.  While, I was going to be crazy busy, I am so glad that I took the two hours to actually enjoy and appreciate the season.  I will not be able to listen to the Messiah without the new found appreciation.

What an incredible week it has been for Gladney families.  So many got through court on Wednesday.  There are a couple who did not, and I feel for them.  I can imagine how such disappointment must draw on their reserves.  

We are preparing for a big winter storm.  School has already been canceled for Andrew and the younger kids have an early release day.  We made marshmallows last night in preparation for hot chocolate today.  It is so easy and so good... so here goes.  

Marshmallows  (Ina Gartner)

3 pkgs gelatin

1 cup water (divided)

1 1/2 c granulated sugar

1c light corn syrup

1/4 tsp salt

1 Tbsp vanilla

confectioners sugar for dusting

Mix the gelatin and 1/2c cold water in large mixing bowl.  Let sit.  In a small saucepan, mix 1/2c water, sugar, salt, and corn syrup.  Cook over medium heat until sugar dissolves.  Increase temperature and cook until syrup reaches 240 degrees on candy thermometer.  Remove from heat.  With mixer on low speed add syrup to gelatin mixture until gelatin dissolves.  Increase speed to high and mix for 15 minutes until very thick.  Add vanilla and mix thoroughly.

Generously dust 8x12 in non-metal baking dish with confectioner's sugar.  Pour mixture over sugar.  Dust top with more confectioner's sugar.  Sit overnight, uncovered, until dried out.  Turn over the next morning and cut into squares.  You can also find fun things to dust with (crushed peppermint, coconut, sprinkles, shaved chocolate, etc).  Enjoy!

Week Five, Exams, Ornament Hospitals, and other Christmas happenings.

A busy week that flew by.  

I had my A&P exam and lab exam.  I am so glad it is over and that I did well.  Nursing school is more and more competitive so I need to do well.  

I am relieved to have it done, though.  I now can savor Christmas.  I did not want to decorate, read the stories, make the cookies and gingerbread houses until I could really enjoy it.  This weekend we will get the tree. (I know you are thinking she is so late....I am.  When I was a kid, I saved my favorite Halloween candy until the end...this too... I save my most favorite things to when there is nothing to detract, no obligations hanging over our head.  We will play our Christmas music, have eggnog, and decorate the tree.  One of the fun things that we do, is have an ornament hospital as we decorate.  Any ornaments that broke during the previous year or during unpacking go to the ornament hospital.  Someone triages them and someone else fixes them.  We staff the hospital with super glue, hooks, and various little items.  Occasionally there is no hope but most of the time...they make it to the tree.

As for week 5 being finished... time is passing without much angst.  I know that the holiday makes it so.  The excitement makes the holiday even more special.  So far, so good.  The past few weeks,  friends have passed court and are preparing for travel and another got her referral for a sweet little boy, others are waiting.  What an amazing process- watching families being made and growing.

Shots (part 1) - Check

We went yesterday to get our shots.  Jason and I need so many that they split it up between two visits. Now, to be fair, they added some that they thought we needed that are not Ethiopia specific... like the flu vaccine.  Little steps like this really make us feel like we are doing something towards the process.  Trust me, my arm is a reminder - it aches, today.  I have four more to go.  Jason has five more to go.  The kids are done, thankfully.

Various thoughts.  We lit the first advent candle on Sunday.  We talked about the symbolic significance of the first candle.  Be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come.  Mark 13:33 Preparing, being alert, being watchful.  The wise men and the shepherd men waited for a sign.  This Christmas we have a new found awareness of what the waiting for the wise men and the shepherd men felt like.  The underlying anticipation and excitement.  They did not know the date.  They did not know what the sign would be.  With the adoption, we do not know when the call will come.  We do not know when we will travel.  We must wait, watch, and prepare, knowing it will happen but resigning and enjoying the "not knowing" of the details.

Holidays and Missing

With Thanksgiving and Christmas, I find that I think about and miss my mother more than I normally do.  I don't think that it ever goes away, it just becomes more acute during the holidays.  To explain why, I have to tell you a little about what my mother was like.  By the time we lived in India she had had four children.  My brother was a few months old when she fell in love with and then adopted Sabrina.  They went on to adopt another, a boy who is now 13.  When I came home from college, I never knew who would be living in the house.   A single mother, a down-on-his-luck young man, a young lady who needed someone to care... our house was full, whether it be children, or adults.  My mother never raised her voice-I mean never (okay,maybe twice).  She was incredible loving.  She almost never wore make-up and use to drive me crazy because she would pair a beautiful cashmere sweater with a flannel skirt.  There where two rules that are front and center that she taught me and that I continue to repeat to my children: 1. if you have nothing nice to say don't say it (she never gossiped-I try not to but I am not as successful as she was.)   2. what drives you crazy in other people, is a reflection of a characteristic that you have and struggle with - greed, pride, etc.  (unfortunately, I have come to realise that this one might also be true.)

Five and a half years ago, she was walking my youngest brother across the street to his First Holy Communion.  She was struck by a car in the cross walk.  She was able to push Chris.  I don't think that he even had a bruise.  She died soon after the impact.  I never met the man who hit her.  The six of her children have dealt with the loss in different ways.  I have felt that God has given me the gift of forgiveness.  I did not want to be angry at the man who hit her or God.  To this day, while I miss her, I have never been angry about the details of the day.  I am so thankful that we had had our daily talk earlier in the morning.

That brings me to the missing part.  My mother was an incredible cook and baker.  As the wife of a diplomat, she had made an art of it.  So, every holiday that involves food....I sometimes forget that she is not here and go to call her for a question on some recipe. Or, I start crying when I making one of her pies.  By the time the pies are made, the turkey stuffed, I have worked it out and am back to being thankful for having had her for 35 years.  It has made me more empathetic when my friends lose loved ones.  

So to the adoption part.  I wonder, too, if the experience may give me a grain of understanding as what the newest member of our family may experience around his/her birthday or other milestones.  Will he or she struggle with missing someone or somewhere, or doing something like making pies?  Will he/she even be able to articulate the feeling?  Will he/she be too young to register much?  

Found

After three weeks in the black hole, our originals documents showed up at USCIS.  Now, we wait for the i171h.  When I think about the "lost time,"  I get so frustrated.  I have to think that the wait is productive in some fashion.  Is it to prepare our hearts?  Is the wait to give a mother some time with the child who will become ours? 

 

Beautiful New England Saturday

On this beautiful Saturday morning.  I find that I am in the house alone.  Eliza is off riding.  Zach and Jason are off at a soccer match about an hour away.  Andrew is at his team's soccer match, watching.  I have just completed my CBS lesson and have moved on to studying for my Anatomy and Physiology test.  Before that though, I have decided to sit and pray for a moment for:

Biopsy.  My father who is raising Chris (age 13) alone goes in for a biopsy next month.  My parents adopted Chris when he was a few years old.   My mother was killed five years ago (long story for another day).  For Chris's sake and the rest of us, we need everything to be okay.

Mild concussion.  Andrew got a mild concussion in the game on Wednesday.  He is out for today's game but hopefully will be back playing this next week, strong and healthy.

Lost paperwork. Still waiting for our i171. They needed to see some original documents, so we sent them those over a week ago.  Did I say that they are the originals that seem to be lost?  I keep thinking, "in God's time." They will find them. We will eventually get the i171.  It is an exercise in patience and peace.

Blog friends.  Needing a successful court date or for their baby to be revealed.

Samuel.  Most of you know who I mean.  He and his family have been at the top of my list.  

The list keeps getting longer and I have gotten less shy to ask for prayers.

Gladney Approved

We are officially Gladney approved.  I know, I know you thought we were already.  Today it is official.  We are waiting for the 171, now.  After that.  We should be on the wait list.  Yeah!

We are doing an Ethiopian cooking class at my house next Saturday.  So excited to learn about making the food.

I ordered a book/cd set to learn some Amharic.  Some of the fun is in the preparation, but I can hardly wait to hold and snuggle our new little girl or guy.

Zen

The foolish mans seeks happiness in the distance; the wise man grows it under his feet. - James Oppenheim

We are not officially on the wait list but it is getting close, very close.  When I saw this quote by Oppenheim, it struck a chord. 

Adoption, I have discovered is about waiting.  Different periods of waiting.  Waiting for an appointment.  Waiting for CIS.  Waiting for the wait list.  Waiting for the referral.  Waiting for the court date.  Waiting for travel.  Waiting.  I remember waiting when I was pregnant, but I had an end date.  You have a boundaries that are concrete.  The first trimester is a defined period.  The second, too.  And even the third.  None of the waiting periods in adoption are set by a number of days.  There is such a pull to think about the future.  To plan for the future.  To dream about the family we are to become.  Is it at the expense of the family we are today?  I have been working hard to not let tomorrow be the thief of today.  It is so hard.  I am making a concerted effort to enjoy the calm in the house.  Being able to watch the soccer matches without interruption.  The relative ease that 3 children are.  The time I have with Jason.  The routines that we have established.  The discussions at the dinner table that are almost adult-like.

I know that life will be chaotic and exhausting for a while (maybe a long while) after we have our new child/ren.  Yet, we wait with excitement.

Impatience

Okay, so Gladney has had my home study for review since last Monday.  They did say it would take up to 10 business days to review.  Okay, that would mean tomorrow.  Not any word, though.  It is killing me.  I am waiting to be on the "wait list."  I am going to be horrible when we are waiting for a referral.  I am going to be even worse when we are waiting to go pick up that sweet child/ren.  Have I mentioned that I am impatient?  Have I mentioned that I hate waiting?  I was okay until this afternoon.  Then it all fell apart.  (I feel like I am back in 2nd grade.  What if I/we don' get picked?  What if they don't think we are good enough?  Why haven't we heard?)  For all of you who waited with grace...I need a lesson, quickly.  Gosh, I really have not even made it on the wait list and I am not doing this with much grace:)  

As of today, all the kids are in school.  The two younger ones started Tuesday and Andrew starts today.  He made Varsity for soccer so he has been scrimmaging/practicing for long hours. Zach and Eliza seem to have had a good week.  No complaints.  On Wednesday I had a neighborhood coffee for all the moms of elementary school kids.  It was nice to reconnect with them after the summer.  I had my first day of Anatomy and Physiology.  It was somewhat dry but, the prof was really nice.  Yesterday, Jason had Lasix surgery on his eyes.  Today he woke up not needing contacts or glasses!  big changes in the Morgan house.

Now on the adoption front...I feel like it is a comedy of errors.  On Tuesday we heard from KSB that 9 of our documents needed to be redone.  Apparently there was an issue with the language the notary used.  I guess that MA changed their language.  So, I scramble and get them off my To Do list. (I hate having things on the To Do list.)  I get them notarized and send them FedEx.  Now, why I am so anxious to get them back...I do not know.  We are still waiting for the hard copy of our home study, so nothing can really go anywhere.  I got an email last night hat all 9 documents have to be redone.  The notary's commission expires in 2/2009.  I almost burst into tears.  So I will run around today, get them finished and get them FedEx'ed.  Hopefully, then everything will be correct and then, we will have to simply wait for the home study.  I can hardly believe that there will be a  point that we will get to hold a new being after all this paperwork is done.

40 and to do list done

Jason turned 40 yesterday.  I love this picture because it shows you a little what he is like.  The kids love being around him.  They are usually draped on him.  I am the stricter parent (usually).  He is really smart, humble, not given to anger, patient, and willing to not go along with the crowd.  If he does "not buy into something," he is more than willing to be alone rather than support something he sees as wrong.  He has a boyish sense of humor (sometimes annoyingly so).  I love that he still plays soccer even though he has had both knees reconstructed.  I love that he truly "sees" the kids.  I have known this man for over half of his life.  He still is my best friend and love of my life.  Happy Birthday Jason.

Adoption News:  We are done with everything that we have to do or fill out.  We had the 4th of 4 home study meetings yesterday.  SW thinks that it will take 1 week to get the hard copy to look over (we move to the top of the list because we have completed all our paperwork and training). At that point, the home study will be forwarded to Gladney, CIS, and KSB.  We will wait for Gladney approval and the I171 from CIS (we have already done our fingerprints for them).  When we receive the I171 we will send that to KSB.  At which point we will be finished.  Completely finished.  Waiting for the first look at our little peanut or peanuts.  For any of you who are new to the process, it can go quickly.  We made the decision to adopt on May 30, 2008.  Then we contacted Gladney.  It has been almost three months since we started the process.